~ Dirty Jokes - Page 1 ~
Fuck a Duck
A big husky farm kid turns sixteen, so his father figures it's time to send him to town to get himself a woman. The farmer has very little money, so he gives the kid a duck and tells him to get a woman in trade.
The kid goes to town, goes into a whore house, and tells the madam he wants a girl in exchange for the duck. The madam laughs in his face, but one of the girls feels sorry for him and takes him upstairs.
They go into a room, they get undressed, he gets on her, and he gives her a fucking like she hasn't had in years.
When they're done, she says, “Kid, if you'll do that to me again, I'll let you keep your duck.”
He does it again, then grabs the duck, leaves the whorehouse, and heads for home. He's almost home when he sees the neighbor's daughter bending over the cabbages, and she's got no underwear on. He thinks about the night before, and he starts for her.
Her father sees him and stops him.
He says, “I recognize that gleam in your eye, son. I was young once, myself. Here, take this ten-dollar bill and go on home and leave my daughter alone.”
So the kid walks up to his house carrying the duck. His father sees him and gets upset.
He says, “Boy, I sent you to town to get a woman with that animal.”
The kid says, “Well, Paw, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, ten bucks for duckin' a fuck, and I still got the fuckin' duck.”
Birthday Wish
A 14 year old kid asks his dad if he can have a bicycle for his Birthday.
His father says, “Well son...Can your dick touch your arsehole?”
The boy tries it and says, “No daddy, sorry”
“Well then you can't have a bike, get the fuck outta here!”
Next year the same scenario happens... “Can your dick touch your arsehole?”
“No dad”
“Then get the hell outta my face!”
Finally, the boy turns 16, and after a lot of hard work and some gymnastics, the boy's dick can touch his arsehole.
“Hey, Dad, how about a car now instead of a bike?”
The dad says, “Son, can your dick touch your arsehole?”
Shining with glee, the kid proudly says, “You bet Dad! Look!” The kid shows his dad that he could in fact touch his arsehole with his dick.
Then his Dad says, “Good, then go fuck yourself!”
Fuck 'em All
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians.
After the tour of a reservation, she was curious about the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress.
His reply was, “One feather, one squaw.”
She asked another brave, feeling the first was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his headdress.
He replied, “Four feathers, four squaws.”
Still not convinced that the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief.
Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters.
Walters: “Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?”
Chief: “Me Chief, fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, fuck-em all.”
Walters: “You ought to be hung!”
Chief: “Damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake.”
Walters: “You don't have to be so hostile!”
Chief: “Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, fuck-em all.”
Walters: “Oh, dear!”
Chief: “No deer. Bum too high, run too fast.”
First Fuck
Johnny came home and pronounced loudly as he walked in the door “I had my first fuck today!”
His sister was furious “You nasty little boy! Get out of the kitchen!”
So Johnny went into the lounge. Here he told his mother “Guess what! I had my first fuck today.”
His mother hit the roof! “Go to your room! Your father will be home soon and he can deal with you!”
Poor old Johnny went dejectedly to his room. In time, his father arrived home. He kicked in the door to Johnny's room.
“Mother tells me you need a hiding boy! What's the story!”.
In a meek and timid voice, Johnny says, “I had my first fuck today, dad.”
Well, his dad was stoked. “Well done, boy! I'm so proud of you! My own son! You're a man now boy - I'll take you out to the pub tonight!”
So dad takes Johnny out to the pub. Surrounded by all dads friends, Johnny is the toast of the place.
“Well done they all yell.”
Dad asks Johnny “Well, son, now you're with the men. Tell us all, when are you going to have your next fuck, son.”
Johnny replies “When my arse stops bleeding, dad!.”
